Mx. Pre-sheaf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
calculus_of_destructions) wrote2011-07-18 10:00 pm
calculus_of_destructions) wrote2011-07-18 10:00 pm
WTF?
Umm...yeah, so that person I've been crushing on? I don't really get what's going on with her. I saw her today and things seemed okay until she suddenly got really...mean. Like she seemed gleefully contemptuous of me and started laughing harder when I shrunk away and turned red at her initial remark which involved me starting a conversation and her loudly exclaiming that she didn't care. It wasn't even what was said so much as the way it was said. Was this meant as a way of teasing? Was it supposed to just be funny? I have no fucking clue.
It was weird. She seemed really different than the list time I saw her. It was just...I don't know. I think I'm over this crush though. It was good for me to take an emotional risk & I really really do like her. I think she's gorgeous, badass, and interested in a lot of the same things as me but...jesus, I don't want anyone to talk to me like that ever. It's too much like the ways my dad, even when he wasn't in full-crazy-violent mode, would "joke" in ways that would make you feel kinda shitty & stupid. So, yeah, I can't necessarily avoid her completely but I'm not going to seek out ways to spend time with her anymore. That just wasn't okay...I mean, shit, I know that I was kind of an awkward dork around her but...yeah, I didn't deserve to be talked to like that.
It was weird. She seemed really different than the list time I saw her. It was just...I don't know. I think I'm over this crush though. It was good for me to take an emotional risk & I really really do like her. I think she's gorgeous, badass, and interested in a lot of the same things as me but...jesus, I don't want anyone to talk to me like that ever. It's too much like the ways my dad, even when he wasn't in full-crazy-violent mode, would "joke" in ways that would make you feel kinda shitty & stupid. So, yeah, I can't necessarily avoid her completely but I'm not going to seek out ways to spend time with her anymore. That just wasn't okay...I mean, shit, I know that I was kind of an awkward dork around her but...yeah, I didn't deserve to be talked to like that.