Misgendering is for Asshats

That's one of the t-shirt slogans we've been considering lately. Another is
"It's 'she', motherfucker, 'she'!"

So, yeah, if you can't tell being called "he/him/sir" still really gets to me, especially when I feel like I'm making it pretty obvious what I'm going for, especially when it's a particular coworker who never seems to say "she/her".

Why does it piss me off so much? Well, I have a pretty constant feeling of fighting to be accepted and recognized as valid. Every time someone misgenders me it feels like a proclamation of "no, you're not a woman". Is it always intended this way? No, I know that, but it doesn't particularly stop it from stinging.

I'm trying to work through this pain through metta, both towards myself and the people who hurt me. It seems like I cry a lot during zazen these days.

I still feel happy, though, most of the time. Things hurt, but I don't feel desperate or suicidal the way I used to. It's not until after I've become so much more stable that I've realized how bad my desire to kill myself actually was.

Anyway, I don't particularly have a point I'm trying to make. Just sharing something that's really been bothering me lately.