Nov. 29th, 2011

Okay, so generally things are quite good right now. I hung out a bit in a coffee shop with MB and, well, I had been afraid that a lot of what she said to me that night & what happened between us was just because we'd both been a bit tipsy so I was relieved to find there was just as much sheer chemistry when we were both completely sober. In theory we were trying to get work done, but the reality was a lot of talking and flirting and touching, even in front of a friend of hers. We were even talking about out plans for a date in front of this friend as well, so clearly she doesn't mind her social circle thinking of us as a couple. The main difference between a couple of days ago and Thursday night was that we had the wherewithal to go outside for a walk in the rain before making out. She made it clear, repeatedly, that she's extremely attracted to me - and I did my best to convey that the feeling was mutual. I think she managed to fluster me more than I did her but, heh, I'm not really complaining. Even when we weren't egregiously flirting she's really fun to talk to. We like talking about each other's fields of study, which I so fucking appreciate. I haven't met many people who act like doing research in mathematical logic makes you more interesting...

The downside is the other person she's in a relationship with. Despite describing himself as single and pointedly correcting people who imply that they're a couple, he apparently got into a bit of a jealous shitfit over the two of us. Now the upshot is that she said, repeatedly, that while she cared about him a lot she wasn't willing to be in any kind of monogamous relationship with him and that she wasn't going to let him tell her what to do. So while in some sense that's good news for me, it still doesn't change the fact that he's hurting her by acting this way & that fact makes me bare my teeth a bit. I feel like I've known a lot of women who've been emotionally fucked-with by men they trust and I'm more than a little bit allergic to the pattern. I figure the best thing I can do is just to try and make sure that I'm not adding any additional hazards to this path she's navigating, namely that I never want her to feel like I also want her to choose between us. I guess I'm also really disappointed because I thought he seemed like a cool guy before and I was looking forward to being friends with him the same way K wants to be friends with MB.

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Mx. Pre-sheaf

April 2012

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