calculus_of_destructions

MB and I talked and mutually decided we needed to stop dating. She told me she wasn't ready to be dating anyone right now, and that she's realized it recently. I had come to the same conclusion last week, especially when some pieces clicked together in my head and I realized that I'm not sure if she's even capable of really consenting to sex given some of the things she's told me. That may sound weird but...god, how do I explain it? I don't know if I even want to say the things that she's said and done that lead me to realize it, but I explained it to my therapist and she said the same thing before I could even get the words out. My therapist had to reassure me that I hadn't done anything wrong until now though...all I could do was assume MB was being sincere in what she said at the time, even though in a deeply disturbing sense she wasn't.

God, it's such a mess, but I'm actually feeling okay right now. She was honest about how much she wanted me, which is really the main thing I needed. I needed her to stop trying to make things out to be my idea when they weren't. I think I can let this go now and just be the friend she needs.

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That sucks! I mean, it sounds like you made the right call on your end, but it is terrible to see someone else in such a state.

It sounds like she might be in a better place already for just trying to date someone who isn't a sociopath?

Yeah, I think she is on an upswing right now. Sadly, the fact that she was able to trust that I wasn't going to try and hurt her when we broke up is kind of a huge deal I think. She's stopped drinking, she's dealing with her current partner and said she'll end things with him soon, and she is in therapy. She's trying hard to turn her life around & I've made it clear to her that I want to help her but just as a friend for now.

There's a lot of potential between us and I was really glad that she honestly said so rather than telling me I was misunderstanding what she wanted. What was really sad is that she said she likes me enough that even though she really really thinks she can't handle a relationship she keeps having second thoughts about just being friends. We need to do that though. For now at least. I made sure to say a few things though...I wanted her to know that I

a) really care about her and want to help support her
b) don't want her to use what's happened between us as yet more reasons why she thinks she's a terrible person
c) would still be interested in dating when she reaches a point where she's feeling more stable

It's over

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